I Remember Lights by Ben Ladouceur

The first novel from award-winning poet Ben Ladouceur, I Remember Lights depicts a time when the world promised everything to everyone, however irresponsibly.

In summer 1967, love is all you need…but some forms of love are criminal. As the spectacular Expo 67 celebrations take shape, a young man new to Montreal learns about gay life from cruising partners, one-night stands, live-in lovers, and friends. Once Expo begins, he finds romance with a charismatic visitor, but their time is limited. When the fireworks wither into smoke, so do their options.

A decade later, during the notorious 1977 police raid on a gay bar called Truxx, he comes to understand even more about the bitter choice, so often made by men like him, between happiness and safety.

I Remember Lights is a vital reminder of forgotten history and a visceral exploration of the details of queer life: tribulation and joy, exile and solidarity, cruelty and fortitude.

Praise for I Remember Lights

“I Remember Lights is a consuming, enchanting, convincing portrait of the past, every character and voice—from the narrator’s dearest friends and lovers to the briefest encounters with strangers—bursting with extraordinary life, verve, and wisdom. Without shying away from the realities of injustice, both history-making violence and insidious, everyday cruelties, this remains a book suffused with tenderness, radiant with hope, a beautiful reminder of what the fight for queer liberation is fighting for. I recommend it without reservation; I loved it with my whole heart.” —Kim Fu, author of Lesser Known Monsters of the 21st Century

“Ben Ladouceur has crafted a raw, intimate portrait of queer desire and resilience against the well-researched and cunningly detailed backdrop of Expo 67 and 1970s Montreal. At once an unflinching portrayal of historical injustices and a rallying cry for a better tomorrow, I Remember Lights represents a new, important addition to the Queer Canlit canon.” —Loghan Paylor, author of The Cure for Drowning

“Ben Ladouceur shines the floodlights on gay Montreal in the ’60s and ’70s, taking us back in time to the fraught and uncertain pre-liberation days when it was still illegal for gay men to gather. Heartfelt and reflective, the novel packs an emotional punch, taking time to linger in the shadows and revel in all the sexual possibilities the city offered with Expo. A delicate and passionate work possessed by a hungry lust for living.” —Christopher DiRaddo, author of The Family Way

Press Coverage

2025 Spring Preview: Fiction —Quill & Quire

Most Anticipated: Our 2025 Spring Fiction Preview —49th Shelf

70 Canadian fiction books to read in spring 2025 —CBC Books

Spring books preview —Globe and Mail

“Immediately appealing and carefully wrought, not to mention enticing, assured, and elegant, I Remember Lights is also somehow instantly canonical – an accomplished, necessary novel that should always have been written is now, at last, in print.” —Brett Josef Grubisic, Quill & Quire