I Remember Lights by Ben Ladouceur

The first novel from award-winning poet Ben Ladouceur, I Remember Lights depicts a time when the world promised everything to everyone, however irresponsibly.

In summer 1967, love is all you need…but some forms of love are criminal. As the spectacular Expo 67 celebrations take shape, a young man new to Montreal learns about gay life from cruising partners, one-night stands, live-in lovers, and friends. Once Expo begins, he finds romance with a charismatic visitor, but their time is limited. When the fireworks wither into smoke, so do their options.

A decade later, during the notorious 1977 police raid on a gay bar called Truxx, he comes to understand even more about the bitter choice, so often made by men like him, between happiness and safety.

I Remember Lights is a vital reminder of forgotten history and a visceral exploration of the details of queer life: tribulation and joy, exile and solidarity, cruelty and fortitude.

Praise for I Remember Lights

“I Remember Lights is a consuming, enchanting, convincing portrait of the past, every character and voice—from the narrator’s dearest friends and lovers to the briefest encounters with strangers—bursting with extraordinary life, verve, and wisdom. Without shying away from the realities of injustice, both history-making violence and insidious, everyday cruelties, this remains a book suffused with tenderness, radiant with hope, a beautiful reminder of what the fight for queer liberation is fighting for. I recommend it without reservation; I loved it with my whole heart.” —Kim Fu, author of Lesser Known Monsters of the 21st Century

“Ben Ladouceur has crafted a raw, intimate portrait of queer desire and resilience against the well-researched and cunningly detailed backdrop of Expo 67 and 1970s Montreal. At once an unflinching portrayal of historical injustices and a rallying cry for a better tomorrow, I Remember Lights represents a new, important addition to the Queer Canlit canon.” —Loghan Paylor, author of The Cure for Drowning

“Ben Ladouceur shines the floodlights on gay Montreal in the ’60s and ’70s, taking us back in time to the fraught and uncertain pre-liberation days when it was still illegal for gay men to gather. Heartfelt and reflective, the novel packs an emotional punch, taking time to linger in the shadows and revel in all the sexual possibilities the city offered with Expo. A delicate and passionate work possessed by a hungry lust for living.” —Christopher DiRaddo, author of The Family Way

Press Coverage

2025 Spring Preview: Fiction —Quill & Quire

Most Anticipated: Our 2025 Spring Fiction Preview —49th Shelf

70 Canadian fiction books to read in spring 2025 —CBC Books

Spring books preview —Globe and Mail

“Immediately appealing and carefully wrought, not to mention enticing, assured, and elegant, I Remember Lights is also somehow instantly canonical–an accomplished, necessary novel that should always have been written is now, at last, in print.” —starred review, Brett Josef Grubisic, Quill & Quire

Ben Ladouceur: Writing shaped by coming out, and the damaged caused by generative AI —On Creative Writing

Excerpt: I Remember Lights by Ben Ladouceur —The Miramichi Reader

29 Canadian books you should be reading in April —CBC Books

“I fell in love with this book page by page. It’s compelling, heartfelt and superbly written creating an atmosphere of joy, hope and love. Ladouceur’s poetic background shines through in the lyrical quality of his prose, making this an extraordinary debut. I can’t wait to see what he writes in the future.” —5-star review, The Story Graph

“Ladouceur’s novel reminds us of some of Canada’s history of systemic homophobia. It also presents a very realistic portrayal of men’s experiences of living in secret in the 1960s and 1970s. I would recommend this book to anyone looking for a story shining light on Canadian history and the experiences of gay men in Canada.” —Liam Hodder, The Gateway

“I Remember Lights represents a future swelled with everything that could be gained and lost.” —Maria Cichosz, Canadian Literature

Ben Ladouceur’s Eagerly Awaited Debut Novel Depicts the Optimism of Queer Life During Montreal’s Expo 67 —Open Book

“I Remember Lights serves as an important reminder to us now, as the rights of trans people and immigrants, and many other groups, are increasingly under attack, that gathering and fighting together, though it may not change everything, is nevertheless of crucial importance.” —H Felix Chau Bradley, Xtra Magazine

Books Can Be Powerful: A recommended reading list by the author of I Remember Lights —49th Shelf

“If I Remember Lights has a message, it is one of hope, that we will never revert to a time when people were taught to hate who they are.” —Ian Colford, The Seaboard Review

“It is no wonder that Ladouceur, an accomplished poet, writes vividly and sensitively, conjuring a finely detailed portrait of Montreal in the 1960s and 1970s as well as the emotionality and intimacy of the narrator’s relationships. The novel relies heavily on character and relationships to construct its pathos, and here it particularly shines. This understated depiction of mid-century Montreal queer culture feels reparative in turbulent political times.” —Clementine Oberst, The Miramichi Reader

Pride Reads 2025: Get into the spirit of Pride Month with these 20 new and notable books from the LGBTQ2SIA+ community —All Lit Up

Under the Cover: Finding Forgotten Gay Histories in Ben Ladouceur’s I Remember Lights —All Lit Up

Expo Love in Queer Montreal: The Chat with Ben Ladouceur —49th Shelf

New book on 1977 gay bar raid in Montreal: Local author Ben Ladouceur has penned a new book inspired by the raid —CTV News

Pride Stories for 2025: Great new books by LGBTQ2S+ Writers —49th Shelf

“Ladouceur’s début novel is a splendid read that celebrates gay life and honours queer resistance and resilience.” A review and interview with Ben Ladouceur —Richard Burnett, Fugues

“I Remember Lights kindles a bright future of gay romance, and asks who-, where-, however might we have kept it alight? Sweet, bitter, optimistic, and appropriately angry, Ladouceur reveals how our loves, braveries, compromises—our very lives—are made of and by the scenes we inhabit.” —Andrew Woodrow-Butcher, Plenitude

“Fantastic read for anyone interested in the elusive, fading grandeur that was Montreal of the 70s. Ladouceur captures its ecstasies and tragedies.” —Heather O’Neill and Arizona O’Neill, O’Neill Reads

“A lyrical read and a profound examination of the human condition through one man’s eyes.” —Deb Stratis, Historical Novel Society

“I Remember Lights is a vital reminder of forgotten history and a visceral exploration of the details of queer life: tribulation and joy, exile and solidarity, cruelty and fortitude.” —Bryen Dunn, PinkPlayMags

The Miramichi Reader’s Best Fiction of 2025 —The Miramichi Reader

Notable Books 2025: Canada’s book community shares some of their favourite titles from 2025 —Quill & Quire

Our Top Fiction of 2025 —49th Shelf

“We Will Encounter New Things, But We Will Be Able to Understand Them”: An Interview With Ben Ladouceur  —Jasper Fleming, Event 

An Interview with Ben Ladouceur —Talking Books and Stuff podcast, hosted by Dennis Rimmer

10 historical fiction books to read this summer —CBC Books